Hole
by BubblyShell22
Summary: Truth and Lies spin off. Splinter reflects on how April's disappearance has affected his sons and himself.


Hole

A/N: I know that I've been doing these Truth and Lies spin offs for the guys, but I thought it would be cool to do it for Splinter, too. After all, he's also a part of April's extended family, and I would imagine he has some thoughts on what has happened to her and how it has affected him and his sons. I hope you enjoy this.

Disclaimer: TMNT and all characters are property of Nickelodeon. I only own the plot of this story.

Summary: Truth and Lies spin off. Splinter reflects on how his sons have changed since April's disappearance and how it has affected him as well.

Splinter sat in his room and listened as his sons watched television. There used to be laughter in the air, but now it was no longer present within their home. It was a sad state of affairs, but Splinter knew why his sons no longer felt like laughing. Their world had been turned upside down when their best friend April O'Neil went missing. One moment she was in the Lair spending time with them, and the next, she had vanished without a trace. The Turtles had done all they could to try and find her, but there were no leads.

There were so many emotions running through Splinter, but the worst was that there was a hole in his heart, just as there had been when his beloved wife and daughter had been lost to him. He blamed himself for their loss and often felt he could have changed what happened to them. And how with April's disappearance, he felt the same way and how he wished he could have changed things for his sons. He could feel their despair, and he felt helpless in the face of it. Each of them had a different reason for feeling this way.

Leonardo blamed himself for April's disappearance the most as he felt he should have escorted her home instead of letting her leave by herself. After she vanished, Leonardo began to train obsessively, feeling that the workouts would cleanse him of the guilt he felt, but they didn't. He still carried this burden, and it hurt Splinter to see his son this way. He tried to comfort his eldest and tell him that it wasn't his fault, but he knew they were just empty words and that Leonardo wouldn't hear them.

Raphael was angry at whoever had taken April and resorted himself to going out late at night to see if he could find the perpetrator and deal with him himself. Splinter had warned him against doing so and that it was not his place to do anything, but Raphael didn't feel this way. He felt that sitting around and doing nothing was an insult to April's memory and that if he did nothing, then the killer would walk free. Splinter felt sorry for his son and feared that he would one day get into trouble that couldn't be repaired if he continued on the path that he had chosen to follow. Splinter had hoped that Leonardo would be the voice of reason as he often was, but since Leonardo blamed himself, he said nothing to his brother's night time wanderings. Maybe he was too tired to argue with his brother, or maybe he had just given up trying to reason with him. It was hard to watch this happen, but Splinter knew there was nothing he could do to stop it.

And then there was Donatello. His reasons for trying to find April were of a different sort. It was not only out of friendship but out of love. Splinter knew that Donatello harbored romantic feelings for April and that he felt he owed it to her to try and find out what was wrong. He spent hours in his lab, trying to search for the answers that would never come. He rarely strayed out of his lab except for practice, meals, and patrol. Splinter often wanted to barge in there and drag his son out, but he knew that he'd only get a fight in return. The more that the answers eluded his son, the more frustrated Donatello became, causing him to lash out at his brothers and at his father at certain moments.

Michelangelo was heartbroken because April was one of the first humans to accept him for who he was. His youngest son was the most energetic and compassionate of the four brothers and had often longed for a companion. When April came into their lives, Michelangelo was ecstatic and loved spending time with her whenever she would visit them. Since she'd vanished, Michelangelo had taken to visiting Mr. Murakami, hoping that the noodle maker would offer him some comforting words. Splinter no longer heard laughter in his son's voice, and his blue eyes no longer twinkled with their usual mischief. What Splinter wouldn't give for Michelangelo to pull one of his pranks on his brothers and to hear him laugh. But he knew that wouldn't happen now. Michelangelo was brokenhearted, and Splinter was afraid that his son would never smile again.

As for Splinter, he also felt the burden of responsibility for April's disappearance, but more than that, he also felt guilty that he couldn't fix how his sons felt. He couldn't bring his family back together no matter how much he tried. He didn't want Leonardo to carry a burden he couldn't bear, Raphael to needlessly kill someone who may be innocent, Donatello to isolate himself from his family, and Michelangelo to be unhappy. He wanted to change these things and make everything all right again, but he couldn't do it. He could only sit and watch as his sons drifted further and further apart from each other.

And that's what hurt Splinter the most. The helplessness, the feeling that he could have changed things for the better and refused to see the signs. The ache in his heart grew bigger each day as he watched all of this. Tears fell from his eyes, but he ignored them for they wouldn't change anything.

There was a hole in his heart, and he couldn't fill it no matter how hard he tried.

A/N: So, that's Splinter's little one shot. What did you think of it? I probably could have made it longer, but I figured this was a good place to end it. Feel free to leave a review and have a shelltastic day.


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